Chastity contract....!?

[Caged55]

Does anybody on this forum have a chastity contract?... and if so what would be the points or conditions of such a contract. My KH is thinking of a chastity contract to regulate certain issues such as release, permissable orgasms, "free-time" etc, mainly from stopping me "bugging" her with my requests...

[Locked by LRC]

When we first started we had one to use as a guide for the expatiations of this lifestyle. Every one is different in their wants in a chastity contract. I would suggest you do a Google search of "Male Chastity Contract". There are many examples and recommendations out there. Pick and choose the ones that appeal to you and your KH.

[wishful4]

IMHO, a male chastity contract is not worth much unless it is suggested and composed(or dictated) by the KeyHolder. When we first started MC, I came up with a short, half page contract. My spouse looked at it for a short time and said it was fine. Looking back, I feel sure that 30 minutes (or less) later, she had forgotten the bulk of it and pretty much did what ever she wanted to in the weeks and months ahead. Contracts are not bad, per say, but most are written by the chaste male and are about what he wants, which is not necessarily what she wants. It's hard for a new Keyholder to know what she wants when she knows little or nothing about the subject. Give her the information and give her time to do a little research and gain a little experience, then ask if she wants a written agreement. It's okay to help her construct it, but it needs to be about what she wants, not what turns you on or fuels your MC fantasy.

[Happily caged]

Pretty basic here. She has key, she uses at will. When she was here, she unlocked me about every three days, though I still could not actually intentionally orgasm more than about a couple days a month (though I could usually binge at that time).

Since then, I'be been locked (my choice) since late winter and no intentional orgasm since, though I am heading to the airport tomorrow morning.

But now she's saying that she's thinking of keeping me locked for a while more.

[Mr No1Cums]

We also started out with a chastity contract. Like in most cases it was written by male side. But when I look back I see contract is not necessary when you think about it. Your gf/wife should just let you know what is acceptable and what is not and if you are really devoted to her and chastity you should just obey her?

If she does not like you bugging her with requests she should just point that out to you and if you do it you should be punished for it. Great punishment for me "since you broke my rule, you will not cum additional x days" or something like this. Ass spanking works miracles also

For me things started to work best when I accepted that my penis/orgasms were not mine anymore and she is in total control over this. When you accept it trust me it gets easier from there on...

[AdoringHerAlways]

Agree with most here, it seems MC is generally initiated by the one wishing to be locked/denied. In an effort to get all of their wants/needs/desires conveyed to their significant other I don't see anything wrong with a proposal citing all the things you would want. I hear a lot about topping from the bottom in the early stages of the game/lifestyle but I think it's all a matter of communication. Honey, this is a list of the things that would turn me on, you are in control, if there are any items here that you also desire that's great! If not, you get to add or delete as you see fit, but let's at least have a framework or outline as a reference.

[newtochast57]

Chastity contracts can be beneficial in the beginning in particular if one of the parties (usually the KH) is not comfortable with it. I introduced my wife to the idea of chastity and used the contract as a way to make her more comfortable with it. Initially my wife refused to hold the key however after several months she saw that chastity was not only improving our sex life but our relationship.

At that point she not only took the key (security screw for MM jailbird) that she now wears 24⁄7, she also did away with our contract. We still have safe words (never been used) and allows for releases such as medical appointments.

The reason this works for us is summed up in one simple word, ″communication″. One of the holdovers from our contract is that once a week we have a talk were either one of us can bring up any issue with either our relationship or chastity. Our contract stated that I could only bring up an issue with chastity during the weekly talk which has continued . It was put in our contract by me so I could not ″top from the bottom″ nor could I pester my wife, which in all likelihood would have turned her off the subject.

Mr No1cums wrote:

If she does not like you bugging her with requests she should just point that out to you and if you do it you should be punished for it. Great punishment for me "since you broke my rule, you will not cum additional x days" or something like this. Ass spanking works miracles also

The only issue with this is what ever is decided on as a punishment has to be a punishment. For me extending the number of days in which I get to cum would not be a punishment and my wife would not be comfortable with spanking me so neither of them would work for us. Although it has never had to have been used, if required my KH could either ban me from the computer or refuse to let me play golf, either of which would be horrible punishments for me.

It appears that general opinion of most here that a contract is a good starting point but once a baseline of limits has been established it is no longer required as long as there is communication.

For “caged55” perhaps the worst punishment your KH could use if you as you state

mainly from stopping me "bugging" her with my requests

is simply hand you back your key and say she doesn’t want to play.

[carolina cyclist]

We tried a contract the last time a year or so ago. I wrote it and it really was all about what I wanted and not her. As I posted in my Journey blog, this time I took a completely different approach and we are adapting as we go. She is quick to tell me if I am "whining" too much and has even used that for extra time. Over the course of 4 months, MrsL is has added 3 rules: no topping from the bottom, when I am unlocked my PA piercing comes out, shave every day (she doesn't like cuddling or kissing with a day's growth).

She has hinted at creating a contract with more rules...so we will see...but as of right now we communicate daily!

[Mr No1Cums]

The only issue with this is what ever is decided on as a punishment has to be a punishment. For me extending the number of days in which I get to cum would not be a punishment and my wife would not be comfortable with spanking me so neither of them would work for us. Although it has never had to have been used, if required my KH could either ban me from the computer or refuse to let me play golf, either of which would be horrible punishments for me.

Sure if that is not a punishment for you or your wife is not comfortable with spanking you no problem there. I just used as an example what can be done. I am sure each couple knows what can be used as a punishment for misbehaving or violation of agreed rules

[TwistedMister]

The only issue with this is what ever is decided on as a punishment has to be a punishment. For me extending the number of days in which I get to cum would not be a punishment and my wife would not be comfortable with spanking me so neither of them would work for us. Although it has never had to have been used, if required my KH could either ban me from the computer or refuse to let me play golf, either of which would be horrible punishments for me.

There are many ways of inflicting punishments that are sexual or semi-sexual in nature, some of which may be erotic in nature on one level, but when taken to additional heights of intensity and/or duration become undesirable to the one being punished and truly serve as a 'learning experience'/correction that can be effective, something to be avoided.

Given that this is a sexual 'game', I am a fan of punishments/penalties being sexual in nature rather than something of a more mundane variety. Limitation of 'normal' activities such as computer use or golfing strike me as concepts that are too similar to the sort of things a parent might do to [attempt to] punish a child. That might be OK for those who aspire to the sort of play that has a Mommy/child flavor (which is quite unappealing to me for several reasons) but I have to wonder what percentage of folks do it like that. I know that in my case these things would not be effective and there would be no way of enforcing it. It is possible that I am slightly biased in favor of more 'hardcore' BDSM activities.

I have no particular affinity toward ass-spankings, either giving or receiving, and Mrs. Twisted doesn't seem to have any affinity to giving them (though I think she does have some attraction to being the spankee). However, she has discovered that she *does* enjoy slapping my cock and balls. I really don't like having my balls slapped at all, and Mrs. Twisted doesn't have to expend a great deal of effort for it to be effective. She admitted that slapping my cock makes her 'wet', and at lower intensity levels I find it erotic as well, but I think that taken to higher levels of intensity and duration it could become quite effective as a penalty/punishment. I think that I favor this sort of thing because of the duality of the nature of it- on the one hand it can be erotic and desirable, a pleasure that can be enjoyed, yet it can be taken a little further to the point where the line between pleasure and pain becomes blurred, and then even further to where the line is definitively crossed and it is clearly not pleasurable any longer. It remains to be seen whether Mrs. Twisted is capable of crossing that line (and how much she might enjoy doing so) but she certainly has no problem whacking my nuts hard enough to make my eyes water (which really isn't very hard at all- correctly done, even light taps that would be almost unnoticeable on other parts of the body can be quite unpleasant when applied to ones testicles). I have also experimented with a TENS unit and discovered that high-intensity pulses at a low repetition rate (delivered through adhesive contact pads attached to the bottom of the scrotum) can deliver a similar effect with no effort at all- almost like being kicked when the intensity level is increased toward maximum, and the longer it goes on the more unpleasant it seems to become.

These are only a couple of examples, there are certainly more.

It appears that general opinion of most here that a contract is a good starting point but once a baseline of limits has been established it is no longer required as long as there is communication.

I tried using a 'contract' long ago, and wrote it/them with an eye toward making it 'suggestions' of what she *could* do, as opposed to 'rules' that *she* was required to follow in order to provide me with a particular experience. Unfortunately, I can tend to get a bit wordy and detail-oriented and I think she was overwhelmed with the volume of information. It didn't work out well. However, *she* has recently suggested that some "ground rules" (her words) need to be established so I have been working on that...and trying very hard to simplify it in order to avoid the problem of my making it so complicated that she won't/can't read/remember it, as well as stressing that the information contained is not 'rules' for *her* to follow but more of a 'road map' that she can use to guide her, ways and means that she can use to accomplish what *she* wants rather than a scenario to follow that gives me what *I* might want.

I find it easier to communicate in writing than verbally. In verbal conversations I am easily sidetracked and tend to forget things, whereas in writing I can get my thoughts out better. In some cases, writing might be better for her as well, as she can be uncomfortable with demanding what she wants in face-to-face conversations, so I am including a suggestion similar to Lady M's notebook thingy (thanks for that idea).

perhaps the worst punishment your KH could use...is simply hand you back your key and say she doesn’t want to play.

I really, really dislike this one, as the implication is that he is the one that ultimately holds all the power and can end things simply by being uncooperative. It also implies that it is something that the KH is doing *for* her partner rather than herself, going out of her way to provide *him* with a particular experience, she's just going along with it to humor him. That sort of "take your ball and go home" attitude really turns me off. It strikes me as haughty, disdainful and insulting, and altogether not the sort of attitude one partner should have toward another in a loving [adult] relationship.