Billus wrote:I've had a quick thumb-through of the post. I'm always wary of any sort of "one-size-fits-all" model of something as subtle as human behaviour, so I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.
That's fine. As I said in the beginning of my post, these are just some preliminary thoughts and certainly nothing is carved in stone.
The problem with trying to put something like this together is that it's only a step away from becoming dogma. You can (certainly unwittingly) become the Chastity Taliban that Sarah mentions. And I agree. Any particular model may come close to describing situations you've read about, but that can only be the tip of the iceberg. What about couples who don't fit this model, and perhaps don't post about their experiences? Are they doing it 'wrong'? What about men who practice chastity on their own, with or without a partner in a lesser degree of involvement?
I think a model becomes dogma when the model developer becomes adamant that "this is the way it is" and refuses to modify, change, or adapt the model in response to new information or empiric evidence. But if the developer offers it to the community of interested individuals (dare we be so bold as to call ourselves scientists! LOL) who can then offer input and refinements, I think that keeps it in the realm of a shared experience. The fact that I have posted it on the Internet with the comment that I wanted input for ongoing development should be sufficient evidence of my intentions on this matter.
You do make a good point, though, in that this, at present, is developed from a couple's point of view with the implicit assumption that it is a married heterosexual couple. Yes, there are single men and how their experiences reflect what I have written---I don't really know since I haven't read much. Similarly, I know gay couples practice chastity but again, I haven't read enough of their experiences to know if this is reflective of their chaste lives or not. Being a married woman of long duration gave me a starting point for thinking about this. It may be a limitation but that was the starting point for me.
For example, I see little or nothing in your description of "Getting to Headspace" in my own life. Being locked up has never made me more helpful around the house. Nor has it made me less helpful. Chastity has no effect in that area. How would I fit into this model, then? Nothing about "The Home Stretch" seems familiar to me as well. I think these are at best, gross simplifications, bordering on stereotypes. Chastity is just now starting to crawl out from under the weight of S & M and "Forced Feminization" that it's usually classified along with. I'd hate to see a new set of restrictions placed upon it now.
Just as a slight clarification, the "helpful husband" behaviors (if they happen) occur in the
Chastity Nirvana phase, not the
Getting to Headspace phase. But as I said, the "conventional wisdom" of chastity says this occurs. Both Sarah Jameson's book and the one by Lucy Fairbourne have lengthy sections on
"the wonderful transformations you will see!" As I said in the post, it's the carrot that many men dangle to get their wives interested. Whether or not it's actually true? In my own experience, Ab was already doing plenty of stuff around the house (most of it, actually) and so I did not see a dramatic change in behavior. Further, I did not become interested in chastity because I wanted these types of changes. (I did find out, after the fact, that part of what I was dealing with was excessive masturbatory behavior and I realized I did want change in that area. But that becomes an issue of why couples entertain chastity in the first place, which occurs prior to the DLMC. Again, an assumption of the model is that this is for couples who have gotten to the point of experimenting with or living a chaste lifestyle; the decision to do so has already been made) Perhaps your situation is similar--you were already doing plenty of stuff--or you just chose not to. That's fine, that's you.
Certainly I don't see a model as a "new set of restrictions." Rather, it is a way or understanding and seeing the world (or experience). Some people, myself included, find this a useful way to organize their thinking with a goal of understanding. I think that chastity is a process and by understanding the process, a couple may have a more informed experience and even get to the point of creating interventions to bring about desired outcomes. Mykey's and Thumper's posts touch on this and I'll explain more in my responses to them.
I know from your blog that you're the kind of person who likes to compartmentalize situations, and leap into things with both feet. However, I think trying to erect some sort of structure on an experience like chastity and orgasm denial is a terrible mistake. There are just too many variables to be considered.
Others may agree or not; but I stand firmly in the "every case is unique" camp, no matter how similar some experiences may appear on the surface.
I don't think I like to compartmentalize situations but I do like to understand experiences which is what I am trying to do here, both for myself and others. How similar others are is an area for discussion, which is the reason I put this out there for public comment and informed discourse.
Thanks for your comment!
D