Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

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likes2blocked
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by likes2blocked »

thumper wrote:But we're engineered to want that feeling. It's not like we're taking some illicit drug to get an ever harder to achieve rush.
Well, yeah, but I'm also engineered to like French chocolate pudding. If I eat more than a little, all sorts of bad things happen. Ditto with good beer.

Same thing with wanking. If I do it too much, then I have negative consequences. The rub is that too much is entirely situational, and dependent on a person I can't predict. At my age, if I beat off in the shower, I'm certainly no good for that night. But do I ever have any idea in the morning whether she'll be in the mood that night? Noooo. So one in the hand is better than an indeterminant bush, or at least in male logic.

This then goes downhill in a viscious spiral.

I do get where you're coming from - 'addiction' is perjorative, and has connotations of something where you go through withdrawal. Reminds me of the Carlin skit - anyone who goes faster (does more) than you is a MANIAC, any one going slower (doing less) is a MORON.

Of course, it is now an entirely moot point, as there's been no wanking for several months now, and not likely to be any. The whole thing makes me really quite addicted to her body, so she goes "mmmmm", and I tell her that's what she gets for teasing me...

Weird, but it works.
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mykey
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by mykey »

I think likes2blocked makes a very good point. Excessive masturbation is seen as negative when it causes problems in a relationship, but it is further seen as a failing or at least mistake on the part of the man. But as anyone who has been in a relationship with a big difference in sex drive can attest one in the hand is worth more than a probable none in the bush. The failing is not one of excessive masturbation, but of lack of an effective strategy for the couple to handle the lack of sex in the relationship. It's not his problem it's theirs and they both need to be engaged for it to work.

I think where the chastity play helps most is where is starts that discussion. Possibly slightly aided in cases where the woman perceives a reduction on the pressure for her to perform on his timescale.
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fergus954
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by fergus954 »

Surely the mechanism for crawling out from under "general S+M and feminisation" IS to develop some model or conceptual framework within which this agenda can move forward? Perhaps "one size does not fit all" but if "all" fits into some areas of the model then we are making progress.

Dev's model is a good start. My studies and experiences have taught me that the "easy" form of this game occurs when the realease date is pre-determined and will be honoured; most situations can be endured when the mind can plan for it. Far harder and more difficult to cope with is an unknown date, and the endless fight between the hope that today maybe the day, and the possibility that the day may never come. My endless desire to delight her constantly is driven by the certain knowledge that therein lies my only hope of release.

Should the endgame happen, the orgasm is of an intensity unimaginable to those who remain uninitiated. Fergus.
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Dev
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by Dev »

Hi Fergus, welcome and thanks for this comment. I am glad you think my model is a good starting point.
My studies and experiences have taught me that the "easy" form of this game occurs when the realease date is pre-determined and will be honoured; most situations can be endured when the mind can plan for it. Far harder and more difficult to cope with is an unknown date, and the endless fight between the hope that today maybe the day, and the possibility that the day may never come.
This is interesting. For this lock-up, we've had a known and established release date from fairly early on. I am trying to decide what we'll do next time. I like the idea of an unknown date. Part of my problem is that I might have a date in my mind (can anything ever be truly unknown?) and Ab knows I am terrible at keeping secrets...so how do I really achieve the goal of an unknown date?

D
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Jimi123
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by Jimi123 »

Well, at 48 days of lock up, I can honestly say that neither of us are losing any interest. I've had more sex in the past 48 days than I had in all of 2009. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but only slightly.

I am curious as to what you mean re: other sexual outlets. That the woman pleasures herself (masturbates) and doesn't have her husband do it? For me, that's not my style. I'm lazy and I like to have my husband do the work of giving me an orgasm. I have read posts where the woman masturbates while the husband watches (no touching, dear...). I don't think that's a non-sexual role and probably for guys who have voyeur fetishes, is a really hot experience.

Or, do you mean that the woman has gone off and found herself another man, leaving her husband in the dust? Cuckholding is not for me but some couples do make it work in their lives. But I think, to be successful, there has to be a lot of open, honest communication around the issue before venturing forward. It's not something that is done on a whim and certainly is not something that is done because the woman has lost interest in "the man in chastity."
My wife already masturbates. And unlike male "wanking" which I think is a bad thing since we guys are so limited (Orgasm wise) I'm fine in fact I'm all for it because orgasm makes her more horny.

Don't get me wrong one plus to this is that I would love to have her be forward about her sexual needs and if by some chance this really did open her up to saying "I've been quiet way too long and dear I really need more oral sex (or strapon sex or ?) I would think MC was a great project"

I would guess that if (or when?) we tried this there would be a lot of sexual interest at first. Then? I think my concern (Which maybe total hogwash btw) is that she would think "Unlocking him is another task, Tease? another task, etc. *Which she has told me would probably end up being an issue. Vibes and the Internet then become her outlet and I get to enjoy frustration and maybe the perception of the chastity "game" which is played mostly in my head. *Not what I'm for btw.

Cuckolding. SIGH... Sarah made a post on her blog asking if men were hard wired to want their women to do this. And she was looking for comments on "why is this hot?" If we can switch away for a second. Is "porn" hot? Is watching two men have sex with one women hot? I think many people would say sure but then take that to reality. Would it be "hot" to (Imagine) your wife with two men? Would watching that be hot? In an abstract way I think its all visual "porn" and on some low animal nature side of things it might be "hot." Now take a relationship (A real one) and start introducing new people and who knows what baggage (Disease, pregnancy, breaking up the marriage) is that hot? Ahh.... No - Not even close. In fact I think this goes to another quote she made about how making rational decisions about sex is near impossible when your worked up. *Or words to that effect.
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likes2blocked
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by likes2blocked »

Jimi123 wrote: My wife already masturbates. And unlike male "wanking" which I think is a bad thing since we guys are so limited (Orgasm wise) I'm fine in fact I'm all for it because orgasm makes her more horny.
Men and women work almost exactly reverse from one another. The more often a woman orgasms, the easier it is for her to do so. The reverse is true for men.

Though some people engage in female chastity, which I think would just make mine grow very large fangs.
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Dev
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by Dev »

likes2blocked wrote: Men and women work almost exactly reverse from one another. The more often a woman orgasms, the easier it is for her to do so.
Quoted for truth.
Though some people engage in female chastity, which I think would just make mine grow very large fangs.
I wonder if I would grow fangs or just go dormant?

Way back when, when I was in graduate school, I'd spend three months/yr in Ohio taking classes. Ab was here back home. I was always faithful, never fooled around---never even looked for an opportunity to fool around. Just sort put myself in mental chastity, as it were. I didn't even masturbate (but then, that's never been a major, favorite activity of mine as I have noted). But that was also way back when when I wasn't nearly as aware of my own orgasm behavior and as knowledgeable about what I needed to do/have done to me to get off. So, if got locked up nowadays, how would I respond?

Good question.

D
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Dev
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by Dev »

I would guess that if (or when?) we tried this there would be a lot of sexual interest at first. Then? I think my concern (Which maybe total hogwash btw) is that she would think "Unlocking him is another task, Tease? another task, etc. *Which she has told me would probably end up being an issue. Vibes and the Internet then become her outlet and I get to enjoy frustration and maybe the perception of the chastity "game" which is played mostly in my head. *Not what I'm for btw.
Please re-read what I wrote. I said that we're 48 days in (50 now) and having more sex than ever. Teasing, fooling around, playing with each other...none of it is work. None of it is "another task." All of it is fun. Last night, Ab went to bed before me. By the time I got there, he was sound asleep and I didn't want to wake him but I did pull back the covers and stared at his cock for awhile, thinking how gorgeous it looked in its beautiful new suit. Does that sound like someone who is losing interest?

And, if you go back to the original post where I outlined the model, you'll note that one stage I posited was "Diminishing Returns." I think what you are worried about is that stage---but the solution, take the cage off. Even Thumper, man who wants to be denied, denied, denied commented that when he gets to a certain level of orneriness, Belle knows it's time and the Steelheart comes off.

I think what a lot of us are finding is that chastity is actually reducing peoples' interest in "vibes and the Internet" and increasing the interest in each other. Does your wife use a vibrator, look at porn on the Internet, and ignore you now? If not, why would you expect her to start doing that? If she does, maybe chastity would be a way to bring you closer together and have her stop---if it is bothering you, that is. That is sort of the reverse of the typical scenario, btw, where I a man is jacking off to Internet porn and ignoring his wife.

D
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fergus954
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by fergus954 »

Greetings Thumper! Can I develop this thinking concerning a predetermined release date?

Man's most powerful sexual organ resides not between his legs, but rather, between his ears. Locking up the former is easy but his brain continues to run riot. If you desire to go all the way down this road you have to get inside his head. My lady adds days to my sentence for every act or omission that falls short of her expectation and deducts days (in theory at least) for any outstanding or unexpected kindness performed.
I have no idea when my next release will occur, but if I keep her delighted I must be getting closer to it. Hence, the central purpose of my existence is her delight. It is Pavlovian; basic behavioral psychology. Your man can come to terms with his situation because he can count down the days and knows that each day that passes takes him nearer to his goal. No such certainty exists for me.

In this context the penultimate section of your model does not apply. So, as with all studies, context is all.
We have evolved a most serious form of the game, and I suspect, only a true sub could find any pleasure in this extreme game. She does have a good sense of humour, and although I am not permitted to ask or beg, or make any even oblique reference to my state of mind, she seems to know when I am beyond the limit of my endurance. Then she produces the key. F.
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Jimi123
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Post by Jimi123 »

Ok this will be filled with typos because I'm off to an apointment but wow... Spot on Dev. Yes, she already is kind of ignoring me and watching porn etc. One of the very strong points about MC from what I've read is that it can excite the female interest and open her up to having a say (being proactive in the bedroom) and so forth. Its her comments from reading a little bit about it that it might end up being too much work and it wouldn't work because of that perception.

I was honestly more worried about it being too "weird" she doesn't see any of that. She is actually the one more concerned about the basic concerns of fit, keeping clean, how do you use the bathroom etc. I dunno... There are days that this idea seems like a really good idea (Like today) then there are days I flip out about the "what if" stuff. Maybe its time I just order a Curve from Kept for her and we give it a whirl. There are always bolt cutters... ;-)
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