Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

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Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Dev » Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:40 pm

I just wrote a really long blog post which outlines my working conceptual model of chastity. I would love to have feedback and discussion and sometimes I don't think that is really feasible within the context of a blog and comments. So I am starting this thread which I have linked to the blog post.

You can read the post here: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/10 ... tity-dlmc/

I look forward to the discussion!

D
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Billus » Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:08 pm

I've had a quick thumb-through of the post. I'm always wary of any sort of "one-size-fits-all" model of something as subtle as human behaviour, so I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one. The problem with trying to put something like this together is that it's only a step away from becoming dogma. You can (certainly unwittingly) become the Chastity Taliban that Sarah mentions. And I agree. Any particular model may come close to describing situations you've read about, but that can only be the tip of the iceberg. What about couples who don't fit this model, and perhaps don't post about their experiences? Are they doing it 'wrong'? What about men who practice chastity on their own, with or without a partner in a lesser degree of involvement?

For example, I see little or nothing in your description of "Getting to Headspace" in my own life. Being locked up has never made me more helpful around the house. Nor has it made me less helpful. Chastity has no effect in that area. How would I fit into this model, then? Nothing about "The Home Stretch" seems familiar to me as well. I think these are at best, gross simplifications, bordering on stereotypes. Chastity is just now starting to crawl out from under the weight of S & M and "Forced Feminization" that it's usually classified along with. I'd hate to see a new set of restrictions placed upon it now.

I know from your blog that you're the kind of person who likes to compartmentalize situations, and leap into things with both feet. However, I think trying to erect some sort of structure on an experience like chastity and orgasm denial is a terrible mistake. There are just too many variables to be considered.

Others may agree or not; but I stand firmly in the "every case is unique" camp, no matter how similar some experiences may appear on the surface.
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby mikecb » Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:37 pm

Dev,

Wow, what wonderful model!

I just wrote about 1000 words thinking through my own ideas of "The Model", and changed my own mind by the end of it. I've got some things to do, but I'll noodle on this and post later. I think a REALLY key point you raised at the end is the difference between CPE and TPE. I think the expectations (either explicit or implied) about whether it's one kind of power exchange or another have HUGE bearing on the experience and behavior of the wearer.

I'm going to process this a little more, and see if I can express myself coherently about it later.
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby mykey » Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:09 pm

We have found a 1 week cycle is ideal for us at the moment. But here is the thing, we never really leave the chastity nirvana stage. My sex drive is high enough that one orgasm a week never comes close to dropping me out of what you call chastity nirvana, which for me amounts to a low level but almost constant sub space. The reason I don't suffer home stretch or getting to headspace any more is that I know her one orgasm rule is cast iron, it almost never flexes. Even post orgasm I am still horny, still wanting another, and knowing that her iron will denies me that leaves me right back where I started, in sub space, controlled.

In our case getting to headspace actually takes a few cycles, from a period where I am fully satisfied I can cope with one orgasm a week for about three weeks, but after that the pressure and neediness builds up such that one orgasm isn't enough.
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby thumper » Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:23 pm

Unlike Billus, I identify with several things you said. And I don't believe that trying to identify a model based on experience (which I do) is in any way heading down the road to the "Chastity Taliban". I think that's just silly. If it works differently for you, fine. If not, use what you can from the observations and move on.

Others may agree or not; but I stand firmly in the "every case is unique" camp, no matter how similar some experiences may appear on the surface.

Man, it's a good thing scientists and doctors don't think that way.

Of course, human sexuality is as multivariant as there are people, but that doesn't mean generalizations are somehow wrong or evil. You just have to be careful not to take them too far. I read nothing in your words to suggest you've found the One True Way. There are lots of One True Ways and many of them meander along next to each other while a few go off at right angles.

That said, I don't think the stage of Diminishing Returns has to happen. A guy in chastity needs to be maintained and, in my experience, that Nirvana stage can be looped endlessly with the right focus and frame of mind. I do believe in the Home Stretch since I've found myself there. No matter how long I crave to be denied, there will come a time in which I really want the orgasm. So far, she hasn't denied me even into that period. When I get desperate, she let's me have it. In any event, I've found that successfully transitioning from Nirvana to Home Stretch can be tricky. I know she controls it, but I also know that if I'm not in the right frame of mind, it can get dicey.
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby thumper » Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:25 pm

By the way, how is what you did in your post all that different that what Sarah's done in her blog or in her book? You've written down your observations for others to learn from or discard. Good on you, I say.
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Dev » Sat Oct 02, 2010 5:44 pm

Billus wrote:I've had a quick thumb-through of the post. I'm always wary of any sort of "one-size-fits-all" model of something as subtle as human behaviour, so I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.


That's fine. As I said in the beginning of my post, these are just some preliminary thoughts and certainly nothing is carved in stone.

The problem with trying to put something like this together is that it's only a step away from becoming dogma. You can (certainly unwittingly) become the Chastity Taliban that Sarah mentions. And I agree. Any particular model may come close to describing situations you've read about, but that can only be the tip of the iceberg. What about couples who don't fit this model, and perhaps don't post about their experiences? Are they doing it 'wrong'? What about men who practice chastity on their own, with or without a partner in a lesser degree of involvement?


I think a model becomes dogma when the model developer becomes adamant that "this is the way it is" and refuses to modify, change, or adapt the model in response to new information or empiric evidence. But if the developer offers it to the community of interested individuals (dare we be so bold as to call ourselves scientists! LOL) who can then offer input and refinements, I think that keeps it in the realm of a shared experience. The fact that I have posted it on the Internet with the comment that I wanted input for ongoing development should be sufficient evidence of my intentions on this matter.

You do make a good point, though, in that this, at present, is developed from a couple's point of view with the implicit assumption that it is a married heterosexual couple. Yes, there are single men and how their experiences reflect what I have written---I don't really know since I haven't read much. Similarly, I know gay couples practice chastity but again, I haven't read enough of their experiences to know if this is reflective of their chaste lives or not. Being a married woman of long duration gave me a starting point for thinking about this. It may be a limitation but that was the starting point for me.

For example, I see little or nothing in your description of "Getting to Headspace" in my own life. Being locked up has never made me more helpful around the house. Nor has it made me less helpful. Chastity has no effect in that area. How would I fit into this model, then? Nothing about "The Home Stretch" seems familiar to me as well. I think these are at best, gross simplifications, bordering on stereotypes. Chastity is just now starting to crawl out from under the weight of S & M and "Forced Feminization" that it's usually classified along with. I'd hate to see a new set of restrictions placed upon it now.


Just as a slight clarification, the "helpful husband" behaviors (if they happen) occur in the Chastity Nirvana phase, not the Getting to Headspace phase. But as I said, the "conventional wisdom" of chastity says this occurs. Both Sarah Jameson's book and the one by Lucy Fairbourne have lengthy sections on "the wonderful transformations you will see!" As I said in the post, it's the carrot that many men dangle to get their wives interested. Whether or not it's actually true? In my own experience, Ab was already doing plenty of stuff around the house (most of it, actually) and so I did not see a dramatic change in behavior. Further, I did not become interested in chastity because I wanted these types of changes. (I did find out, after the fact, that part of what I was dealing with was excessive masturbatory behavior and I realized I did want change in that area. But that becomes an issue of why couples entertain chastity in the first place, which occurs prior to the DLMC. Again, an assumption of the model is that this is for couples who have gotten to the point of experimenting with or living a chaste lifestyle; the decision to do so has already been made) Perhaps your situation is similar--you were already doing plenty of stuff--or you just chose not to. That's fine, that's you.

Certainly I don't see a model as a "new set of restrictions." Rather, it is a way or understanding and seeing the world (or experience). Some people, myself included, find this a useful way to organize their thinking with a goal of understanding. I think that chastity is a process and by understanding the process, a couple may have a more informed experience and even get to the point of creating interventions to bring about desired outcomes. Mykey's and Thumper's posts touch on this and I'll explain more in my responses to them.

I know from your blog that you're the kind of person who likes to compartmentalize situations, and leap into things with both feet. However, I think trying to erect some sort of structure on an experience like chastity and orgasm denial is a terrible mistake. There are just too many variables to be considered.

Others may agree or not; but I stand firmly in the "every case is unique" camp, no matter how similar some experiences may appear on the surface.


I don't think I like to compartmentalize situations but I do like to understand experiences which is what I am trying to do here, both for myself and others. How similar others are is an area for discussion, which is the reason I put this out there for public comment and informed discourse.

Thanks for your comment!

D
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Dev » Sat Oct 02, 2010 5:46 pm

mikecb wrote:Dev,

Wow, what wonderful model!


Thank you!

I just wrote about 1000 words thinking through my own ideas of "The Model", and changed my own mind by the end of it. I've got some things to do, but I'll noodle on this and post later. I think a REALLY key point you raised at the end is the difference between CPE and TPE. I think the expectations (either explicit or implied) about whether it's one kind of power exchange or another have HUGE bearing on the experience and behavior of the wearer.

I'm going to process this a little more, and see if I can express myself coherently about it later.
mikecb


I also think that understanding the difference between CPE and TPE is crucial. I look forward to seeing your thoughts on this subject.

D
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Dev » Sat Oct 02, 2010 5:50 pm

mykey wrote:We have found a 1 week cycle is ideal for us at the moment. But here is the thing, we never really leave the chastity nirvana stage. My sex drive is high enough that one orgasm a week never comes close to dropping me out of what you call chastity nirvana, which for me amounts to a low level but almost constant sub space. The reason I don't suffer home stretch or getting to headspace any more is that I know her one orgasm rule is cast iron, it almost never flexes. Even post orgasm I am still horny, still wanting another, and knowing that her iron will denies me that leaves me right back where I started, in sub space, controlled.


This is interesting. Thanks for posting. I think this is a nice illustration that you understand the process as it plays out in your lives and you have figured out how to make it work for you to keep you at the most pleasurable and satisfying place. This certainly is a goal that many couples would like to achieve and knowing that is possible is very helpful.

In our case getting to headspace actually takes a few cycles, from a period where I am fully satisfied I can cope with one orgasm a week for about three weeks, but after that the pressure and neediness builds up such that one orgasm isn't enough.


Interesting. Thanks. I am going to think on this.

D
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Re: Dev's Conceptual Model of Chastity

Postby Dev » Sat Oct 02, 2010 5:50 pm

thumper wrote:By the way, how is what you did in your post all that different that what Sarah's done in her blog or in her book? You've written down your observations for others to learn from or discard. Good on you, I say.


Thank you! :)
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