Help with ruined orgasms?

[cshorts]

Looking for some education /advice.

I've been locked 24x7 just over a year now, with only brief breaks when she wants PIV (which only sometimes results in orgasm for me). Before starting this, I'd never (to my knowledge) experienced a ruined orgasm. Starting about three months ago I began experimenting to try to figure out what it was and how to induce it, cage on. I've tried and think I've succeeded 3-4 times.

Maybe. I edge close to O, then completely stopped stimulation and removed any contact with my cock (hand or wand), except the bars of the cage it's straining against, of course. In each case, there's a brief pause, then spasms start inside, and after 5-10 seconds (no touching), ejaculate dribbles out. It's been a full ejaculation (volume), but a dribble or flow, not spurting. It doesn't feel like a full on orgasm - no bang. But it feels very good, more than merely pleasant. And, unlike most of what I've read about ruins, I experience a significant refractory period: the blood immediately starts exiting (I don't have an external erection of course, in cage, but my cock has been trying to erect and is swollen as much as it can be, and behind the cage in the root it was fully swollen and erect, back into my groin). And my excitement immediately recedes: my desire to keep reading the erotica I was enjoying disappears, I lose my physical desire to touch myself more, I'm "done". Others describe not losing their erection (if uncaged) and being desirous of more, and able to have multiple ruins in short succession. Not me.

I don't seem to experience the full post-orgasmic slump we all know well. My attentiveness to my wife over the next few days seems to remain at roughly its usual chaste/denied level; my desire to serve her sexually (with finders and mouth and toys, nothing for me) does seem to diminish. But my own urge to bust out of the cage and have my next full orgasm seems diminished for a couple or three days, and I feel (emotionally) like I've cheated on my chastity.

Thoughts about what's going on? Advice? It seems like I'm having a classic ruined O, but the aftermath is much more like a regular O (which I don't want). I've been trying to figure this out so I can help my wife learn to ruin 'em as part of her tease and denial repertoire.

[TwistedMister]

If you're getting actual spasms, then you're probably closer to a real O than not. I think some people call it an 'abandoned' orgasm rather than 'ruined'. Try clamping down and holding back, as you might if your KH was to inform you that an orgasm would result in something happening that you really don't want to happen, see if you can avoid the spasms.

[Steve2059]

A lot of what is written about ruined orgasms is, in my experience, plain wrong.

Particularly in porn, we find penises abandoned by hands literally a second before they erupt and obviously the guy's having a proper orgasm, if abandoned, not a ruin. I suspect that this is put about as a genuine ruin by people to deceive either themselves or their SO/KH. I also think that it's not a step from ruin to full O, but rather a sliding scale.

A genuine ruin will contain pleasure - after all your cock's been stroked or your prostate's been massaged at least, and who's not going to enjoy that? But a genuine ruin is a very finely judged achievement, probably only a single stroke from something more, and as they say, practice makes perfect

To obtain a genuine ruin I have to take great care and approach the Point of No Return very carefully with no rushing things. Even then I can end up in a No-Man's Land between full and ruin, which is why I prefer to stay a safe distance away from the edge.

A useful rule of thumb is, do you still really want to eat your own cum or have you gone off the idea.

[slave d]

i basically agree with Steve2059, it’s a very fine line and takes a LOT of practice to perfect. MsM now has “milking” down to a fine art and can achieve the desired dribbling of “Her seed” very quickly. There is no muscle spasms and little feeling beyond that of hot liquid “running out” of my cock (well Her cock now !!). There is zero reduction in arousal levels and i would happily eat what has been expelled. If She so desires MsM can achieve this several times over a few minutes until there is nothing more to dribble out but these days She doesn’t do that. She just gets the first dribble, which if i’m very aroused (having watched Her orgasm 3 or 4 times) only takes Her seconds. It’s then lockup time as She feels i have had all that is needed to maintain prostate health while maintaining my arousal so i am “compliant”.

MsM’s ld

[cshorts]

Thanks, @TwistedMister, @slave d, @Steve2059. Exactly what I suspected mIght be the case -- I'm going too far and, albeit not having a full orgasm, going beyond a ruin. I'd not read such cogent discussion of it being on a spectrum before: the standard discussion seems to be either-or, and I knew it wasn't a full or "regular" orgasm.

(I didn't mention this symptom in my write-up, but yes, folks often say they are happy to eat their cum when it's a ruin, but I definitely lost that desire with these "failed" orgasms, too.)

I'll have to keep working at it to learn this new skill.

[Chastityat60]

We are on a similar journey.. In trying to explain this "edging" thing, wife says " How am I supposed to know when to stop and when to go... Fast ,/ slow?? Just frustrated. She is still not really even on board with me in chastity. I would just work it as best as you can by yourself. You'll get it.. you 2 have cum along way already.! Next chapter..

[cshorts]

Precisely, @Chastityat60....gotta figure this out myself before suggesting it to the wife!

[TwistedMister]

Try getting to the 'edge', then using just one finger on the underside of the head, circles, slow to moderate speed, just enough to keep you on the 'edge'.

Then, go a little faster, a little faster if need be, until you start feeling like ejaculation is imminent...and stop. If nothing happens within 10 -20 seconds, start the one finger again and repeat.

Any time you feel like 'spasms' are about to occur, or actually start, stop stimulating and clamp down hard on the muscles like you are peeing and trying to stop the flow.

You can also vary the stimulation, still using only one finger, from base to head on the underside and back again.

Whatever stimulation you are applying, try holding the 'edge' for a while, then inching just a little bit closer, try to get as close to orgasm/ejaculation as possible, without it actually occurring.

Just like with lifting weights, when you keep working the muscles to the point of failure, if you keep clamping down hard to stop the contractions, eventually those muscles are going to get weaker (temporarily, during the 'session'), and if/when you go over the edge the spasms will be weaker or non-existent.

Another method of stimulation is to use your whole hand to stroke- but only from base to head, letting your hand slide off the top completely. There are some who say it is impossible to go over the edge and ejaculate using this method, but it isn't true. You can also use both hands, alternating, one after the other, but always only from base to head and sliding off at the top, starting slow and gradually speeding up until you get to the edge.

[cshorts]

Thanks for the detailed advice, @TwistedMister! Since I'm locked 24x7 except when she wants to play with my cock, I'm working on figuring this out while stimulating myself cage-on, so will need to modify some of what you suggest. However the goal is to help her learn to induce ruins, and that presumably will be cage-off, at least sometimes, so I''ll note the other details for then.

[fuzzydunlop]

we've been together a long time, but only recently played with ruined orgasms the last few years.

At some point, my wife developed an interest in it, and i haven't had a non-ruined hand job in over a year now. we never specifically agreed to this, and when she plays with me, I always have some hope it won't be ruined, but it always has been, for over a year now.

My advice - don't try to be too perfect about it. Experiencing some "slump" will happen sometimes with some ruined orgasms depending on what is going on. if your partner understands what is going on, and is willing to experiment, that is a GIANT part of the thrill. All of a sudden she is putting mental and emotional effort into a simple HJ.

Orgasms are not all the same though, and neither all ruined ones. I've had ones where I was barely aware that I spurted, and others where I spurted all over the place and wanted to thrust terribly but couldn't.

Were you left feeling a little humiliated? Like she minimized your enjoyment? Did something happen to upset what might have been full enjoyment? Did she watch carefully and abandon you before you wanted her to? Did you try to talk her out of ruining it, with all your heart? Did you beg her to stop so it wouldn't be ruined, with all your heart? These are all markers for me.